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Then There Was Me

Then There Was The Online Dating Site

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DISCLAIMER: To protect the identity  of online dating participants, characters that are depicted in this post are fictional and are  loosely based on a personification of group of people rather than individuals.  If perhaps you feel “a character” represents you, as an individual, then that is your discrimination and not the intent of the author.

So . . .Once Upon A Time. . .Do you want the storybook edition or the choose- your- own- ending- edition?   Oh, oh, oh I should not get ahead of myself, as we need to clarify the “Rules of Engagement” to on-line dating.  Ahem,

            RULE # 1  

      Choose Your Online Dating Site Wisely. . .as they often have a subversive tone that characterizes your “dating”  goals.  Basically, when a participant identifies that they are looking for a long-term activity partner or relationship, in essence they mean sex, sex, sex for as long as possible without any emotional attachment.

 RULE # 2

People, people, people. . .NEVER start your “self summary” with a disclaimer that you THINK absolves you from any responsibility or acknowledgement of participating in an on-line dating site.  Don’t write shit like ” I am usually the one in my group of friends who has a girlfriend/boyfriend, but decided to check out the scene.”  OR ” My friends put me up to this.”

RULE #3

Geographically speaking, you can tell a lot about a person just by looking at their username. Play along, and see if you can determine what part of the United States they call home. . .

NASCARLOVIN12 -may indicate a new found love of NASCAR for “Mary,” who likes spending time at a rifle range when she isn’t enjoying a beer at the NASCAR track.  However, it also indicates that she is from what I call the Middle South of the United States.

COMBINE-RIDER4U– does not indicate Jimmy’s favorite sexual position, but rather his favorite past-time, farming, in the Midwest.

 

RULE #4

Refrain from using iphone-in-the-mirror pictures.  They offer terrible vantage points, and make you seem that the greatest thing you have going for you is your AT&T cell phone plan that afforded you the “White” (recent edition) iphone for 49.99.

RULE #5

ALWAYS post a profile picture.  DON’T use excuses for not posting a profile pic.  Excuses like, “I am well-known in the community.”  Woah, Woah, Woah, unless you are PRINCE (oh shit is he now the symbol or the artist formerly known as PRINCE), you should not be defining yourself as “Known.”  Being known is assumed, not defined.

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